so, i've recently spent many minutes daydreaming about being a mommy. i keep trying to shake the consumption, but it's not working. the whole concept of being a mommy, for the first time, truly brings me joy and eagerness. i know, i know...enjoy your time because once they're here, they're here forever. i'm okay with that though. (that's good, right?)
does anyone else occasionally feel "stuck?" my life is abundant with blessings. i have a job that pays well. my husband and i both have security in our jobs. we're down to student loans and a mortgage as far as debt. we're both healthy. we do fun things and have nice things. our marriage is even more amazing with time, which is every bit of encouraging for where we're headed. i am saved by grace through the blood of Christ. i have people in my life who care about me and love me. i seldom feel lonely and rarely experience even a minor form of rejection. i have a comfortable place to lay my head at night and blankets to keep me warm. more than enough food in the pantry so that i'll never experience hunger. and the list goes on and on and on and on.
i ramble about all of these things because i would never, not once, want anyone to think that i'm ungrateful, unappreciative, or blind to the blessings that overflow. with all of that said, i'm still having a hard time shaking the "stuckedness" i feel.
i want to work in a different place. i want to do something a little bit different than what i'm doing right now. something a little more exciting and a little less stressful. i fantasize about being a stay at home mom/housewife and freelancing photographer, making enough income to replace my current salary. i'll even throw in teaching one or two classes as an adjunct at mtsu to make ends meet. i'm not opposed to being a "working mom" but i'd like to add my own flair to what that looks like for our family.
i'd be lying to myself if i said i think i have to be "stuck." i know that's not true. i believe in the power of planning (to an extent) and then going for it. i believe that i have options. i know that i'm a valuable resource with a whole lot of potential. i believe that God has a great plan and purpose for my existence. i just hope i'm not getting in His way and that when He gives me directions, i take them.
a different home...i have a plan that could make this current place "work" for a few years if we have to stay here. however, i constantly imagine living somewhere else. i can't describe it to a t, but i'll know it when i find it. knowing we'd have to rent where we live now for a few years before we could afford to sell it (i know, sounds crazy, right?), is a bit nerve-racking. that's an extra mortgage payment if it sits empty and another responsibility looming overhead. the reality is that everything would more than likely be just fine, but it's a tough decision we've been wrestling with for a few months now.
just a few things on my mind. i love how "writing" helps relieve my brain. i expect to have some answers within the next year.
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